Oh well Oh well Wellbutrin

I'm going to see if Wellbutrin helps.
I'm still pulling a shit ton.
I've been working out a bunch though.
woohoo.....

Still have bald head, fat ass

I'm re-starting my previous post of losing weight and gaining hair.
Let's see how I do.

Goodbye Fat Ass, Bald Head

So, I'm working my way to eating better and not pulling.
Today is Day 3 of No Pull Week for me.
Let's see if I can reign surpreme.
Booyah.
I also weigh like, 148 lbs, which is fine and dandy, but I want to lose 10 pounds.
This will be very hard, since I'm in a good place where I don't gain or lose weight.
Don't worry, I'm 5'7", so weighing 138lbs isn't unhealty, it's normal.

Tips? Tricks? Ugh.

It really seems to me this "disease" or whatever the fuck is a joke.
I mean, I can't stop, but at the same time, it feels like I make no effort.
Is my brain really that jumbled that I don't think about being bald? Not being able to get a haircut for years?
It's lame.
I'm in my 20's. This is about as hot as I'm ever going to get(not saying I'm super hot or whatever). Why ruin it with a lame haircut and low self-esteem?
Fuck it.
I need a change.
I've said that 1000 times before.
How do I get it?
Change is easy to talk about. Fucking hard to do.
Blah.

Blah

I'm doing okay.
There is this one spot on my head I keep going for.
Dammit.
I am wearing my hat when I study more frequently, so that definitely helps.
What doesn't help is that Geology is the most boring ass thing ever.
I can't keep my interest in it.
I started reading The Dark Tower series by Stephen King again.
I've read 1-4, but I've owned the 5th book (wolves of calla) forever and never read it.
That shit ends right now.
I love those books.
I almost bitch slapped my crazy Christian friend for saying some dumb shit about how Stephen King has assistants to write his books.
This coming from the guy who thinks the world is only 6000 years old.
Dumbass.

Keep On Truckin'

So, I'm not doing bad.
Pulling is down to a minimum.
I cut my hair and added some bangs.
It's a bitch and a hassle, but I like it.
It's hard to have bangs in my situation because I have some very thin spots.
But I can pull it off by doing the good ol' comb over.
Hey, it works for old men, why not me?
I had a super rad time on Friday.
Me and my friend planned a drunken bike excursion.
That it was.
I spilled two drinks. She kissed the bartender. We both got bombed. We did shots (I fucking HATE shots, but I was feeling no pain.) I puked behind a dumpster. I half-ran down this dumb ass drunk dude who wanted to jump in front of my bike. Idiot.
It was fun. I hardly ever drink.
When I do and if it's with her, I have so much fun.
I mean, I have fun w/out alcohol all the time, but it's fun to feel less restrained sometimes.
Plus, Tenacious D is really great to sing to when no one cares that your voice sounds like shit.

Gray Hairs????

I keep finding stray gray hairs on my head.
What the fuck?
I'm 24! This sucks.
Maybe since I've been pulling for so long, I reached the hair destined for my 60's.
(Of course I know this is scientifically retarded, it's a joke.)
I never ended up calling my friend's husband.
I figured, he's already made up his mind to stay with her, I'm not going to do anything but piss him off.
But I'm distancing myself from her. I have to. She drives me crazy and I'm so disappointed in her. Both of them really.
I've been doing pretty OK on pulling.
We had a b-day party for my dude on Saturday and tons of mofos showed up.
I gots blitzed and danced to some Rick James and B-52's.
It's the life.
My boyfriend turned 26 last Friday. I've known him since he was 18.
That's messed up. But in a good way.
This October will be our 8 year anniversary. Whoa.
On our 10 year anniversary, I want to go to Rome or some shit.
Something beautiful and not American.
No offense America, but you aren't the classiest bitch in the world.

Oh boy...

So, tonight I'm calling my friend's husband (who is also my friend and my boyfriend's brother) and I'm going to tell him he needs to stop acting like an idiot.
We'll see how that goes.
Here's the deal:
My friend of 12 years married my boyfriend's bro. They've been married 2 years. She cheated on him, then started dating someone else, then strung along her ex and made him think she was going to move in with him. All in the span of 2 months or so. She's fucking nuts. She's an idiot and I'm not afraid to tell her that.
Now, my boyfriend's bro is staying with her. He was supposed to move in with me and my guy, but he didn't. He's a big fat pussy. So I need to talk to him. Because this is ridiculous. How the hell is someone supposed to "change" (I don't think she ever will, honestly) if you don't at least give him space. You need to show someone you are upset that they fucked someone else! Give me a break.
I love my boyfriend of 7 years a whole bunch, but if he did this shit to me, he'd have 2 freshly broken guitars and no girlfriend. That's that.
How do you even know someone after something like this?
Ridiculous.
Anyways, I started my classical myth class.
I'm pulling not so much, but it's really seems like my hair is staying thin even though I'm taking it easy on Capt. Scalp. Fuck! What am I going to do?
I know I need to stop and I want to, but dammit, it's so hard.
I need to keep a bandaid on my finger. That will help.
I also need to utilize hats though personally, I hate those stupid ass things.
Wish me luck!

No more finals!

I'm all done with my finals.
I rocked.
I got an A in spanish and an A in Statistics.
I start Classical Mythology in a week. That should be interesting.
I have done pretty good with pulling.
Not great, but hey, that's the story of my life.
I did great at the beginning of the month, messed up a couple of days and I am now down to 2-5 a day. Whew.
I'm starting to notice my hair isn't growing back as fast as it used to.
That's really scary. I've heard of people whose hair NEVER grows back.
Fuck.
I try to freak myself out before I pull by repeating that in my head, but it never sticks.
I don't want to have thin patches for the rest of my life.
I want a real haircut.
I am so sick of wearing my hair in ponytails.
I need to stop.

Dammit.

So, it's finals time. Which means I get extra stressed.
Which means I pull out a lot of hair.
I'm not giving up though.
Nine days is a long time to be almost pull-free.
I slipped up today, but that's because it's unnaturally stressful for me right now.
Fuck finals.
I'm just going to take an extra anxiety pill and be calm.
Nine days. That's good.
If I keep not fucking up, by August, I should be able to get a haircut.
Here's hoping...

One Week Down!

So, it's been a week. I've had one or two slip ups, but pretty much, I'm kicking ass.
I can't really notice a difference, of course, but I will, in time.
I can't wait to get a haircut.
It's been 2 years.
On a side note, my cat is shitting everywhere and it's gross.
He has a bowel disease (something the humane society did NOT tell us about...assholes) and he "leaks" I guess. I don't know. I got him some pills and he'll get better, but man, it's gross.
This helps remind me how I never want kids.
Poop is gross.
I'm eating Baked Lays. Yum.

Three days!

Whew. I think the first week is the toughest when you are trying not to pull out your hair.
Yesterday, I took a half of a klonopin with my effexor and I didn't even bite my nails at all.
I may start doing that more often.
I'm going out tonight with my friend of 13 years, she's cool, but she's been in some crazy shit lately. She got married to my boyfriend's brother 2 years ago and a couple months ago, she cheated on him with her boss (who she doesn't find attractive and he's like, 40). Now, they are getting divorced (I hope, their relationshp isn't healthy, as you can see) and I feel like I'm torn.
My boyfriend's brother is my friend, but he's really reserved and shy, so it's hard for me to tell him I'm on his side and that I am here for him. It's really odd. I think my friend cheated on him because she wanted the relationship to end, but she had to do it the worst way possible. She's always been an huge advocate of no cheating and always would talk about how it's horrible and wrong. So she's a huge hypocrite. Which she knows because I told her. That's my role with her. I'm like sister-mom. I have to be hard on her because she can get pretty out there with how she rationalizes the crazy shit she does.
I love her though. A lot. We've grown apart these last few years, but when we are together, it seems like it doesn't matter.
Anyways, that's the drama. I hate drama. It's so dumb.
Fuck drama.

T.V. is evil

First of all, it sucks away my life without me even knowing it.
Hours go by and what do I have to show for it?
Not much.
I love T.V., but I'm starting to watch 2+ hours a night.
I could be reading or taking a damn walk.
Plus, watching T.V. is very bad for ye ol' pulling.
I haven't pulled for a day and a half.
That's pretty good.
I just got to keep it up. I'll mess up and pull one or two, but I have to remember that it doesn't mean I should go back to my 20+-a-day pulling habit.
I really want to get a haircut besides the one I give myself.
I want a cute short haircut. Hell yeah.

It says 6 people have viewed this. I think I have view it all of those times.
If you read this, drop me a line. It'll keep me going.
Plus, I love to hear other people's stories.
Makes me feel like I'm not alone in this.

Booyah

I haven't pulled at all yet today.
Booyah.
I probably will when I get home though.
When I start to do homework, that's when I go crazy.
Maybe I'll wear a hat. It's worked before.
One of my "rational" things I'm trying to do is tell myself not to pull my hair because I just cleaned the house and I don't want black hairs everywhere. Gross.
I already get white hair from the two fat ass cats I have.
They are fat, but man, are they cute.
I'll post some pics of them on this bitch.
I'm not a freaky cat lady, in fact, I hated cats until Sugar.
Sugar was the best cat ever.
Now I have Tiger and Pee Wee. Both pound kitties. I rescued them and made them huge.
It's awesome.

I should have done this a long time ago...

So, lately, I've been obsessed with reading other people's blogs about their disorders (eating disorders mostly, since I'm writing a paper on bulimia) and I've notice there isn't anything out there for my disorder or whatever the hell it is classified as.
I have trichotillomania. I have had it for around 13 years...and I'm 24. That's a long time.
Basically, I pull out my hair. Weird, huh? Well, not for me. It's normal. It's my thing. It's what I do.
I've tried stopping a few times. Yes, you'd think, "Why haven't you tried more? Only a "few" times in 13 years? That's stupid." I agree, but it's not that simple.
It's so normal for me now. I have so much to talk about, I don't know where to start.
I pulled out my first hair watching MASH late at night. Weird how I remember that crap.
I also bite my nails CONSTANTLY. Mostly, it's so I don't pull out my hair. It works, more or less. Plus, I can do it in front of other people and they may think I'm nervous, but if I pulled out my hair, they may be really confused.
Anyways, to make a long story short, I've been pulling for 13 years. It took me 3 years to tell my boyfriend, who is pretty reasonable and supportive when it comes to me doing what I do best.
How do people not notice? That's simple. I have shoulder length hair that I keep up in a pony tail and comb over my thin spots. Some are bald, some just thin. It's gross for me to even say it and this shit is my life. So funny, in a depressing kind of way.
I also use mascara to fill in my thin spots. I think it's common, who knows.
I made this blog because the last blog I found was from 2004 for trich and since I am trying to "quit" (do we ever stop?), I need to document my efforts, because I'm sick of doing well, getting a rad ass hair cut and then fucking up and trying all over again.
I also just recently got on medication, but between you and me, I don't think it's working.
I've tried Zoloft and now I'm on Effexor. I can't bring myself to tell my doctor I pull out my hair. I just tell her I have bad habits along with anxiety.
Blah. This is long.
I'm going to stop now. Hopefully someone will read this.

Me